See, It's a Western, Right? But in Outer Space!

Joss Whedon's best known work can often be distilled into so-called blank meets blank statements. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was Valley Girl meets Dracula. Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog was comic book villain meets musical theater. Which brings us to the red-headed stepchild of his oeuvre: Firefly/Serenity. Firefly can be most easily described as Stagecoach meets Star Trek (an interesting combination as Gene Roddenberry famously described Star Trek as a Wagon Train to the stars). Now, it may be unfair to call Firefly a red-headed stepchild. It was beloved by most critics and has a very devoted fan base. The fact of the matter is, though, that the show failed to stay on the air, making it tragically unique among Whedon's other famous projects.

But this web-log isn't about history, it's about rating things. How, then, does Firefly stand up to my scrutiny? It stands up pretty well, I gotta say. Its concept borrows a bit from the Japanese show Cowboy Bebop (a personal favorite) in that it features a ragtag crew of people with their own histories and demons trying to make a buck in the cold depths of space by means both legal and not so legal. The characters are well thought out and well acted, the visuals are mostly good (the special effects are a little cartoony), and the show keeps the pace up without wearing the audience out. If I had my way, it never would have been canceled. I would put it right beside shows like Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared and Sports Night and Arrested Development and Futurama in the ever increasing file of shows that were cut short before their time. Seriously, it's that good.

Where the whole thing falls apart is with the movie. Serenity kind of blows. I don't mean that it blows in the same sense that, say, Bloodrayne blows. Its flaws come from Whedon trying to do too much. The TV show introduced mysteries about several characters (Summer Glau's River Tam especially) and the movie focuses all its might on explaining away almost all of them. The reason it doesn't work is that it creates too much need for exposition. All the crap that needs explaining would have been nicely stretched out over the course of a season, but here, it gets crammed into a movie that isn't even two hours long. To say the film suffers from it is an understatement. The performances by the actors were a little rough, also. They weren't terrible, but they could have been a lot better.

All in all, I'd say it would be a good idea to give the show a chance, but avoid the movie unless you really, really can't get enough of this universe.

Firefly: 4 out of 5 skulls
Serenity: 2 out of 5 skulls
This Post: 3.5 out of 5 skulls

The New Poll Positions

Buenas dias, iterwebizen-erinos!

I have some news for you regarding the poll questions that appear along the side-bar of this, my most beloved web-log. From here on out, I'm going to keep the results of the last few polls at the bottom of the bar so that you don't have to read a long winded posting to find out the victorious answer. So, you know, that should be fun.

Also, I have put up a new question. I was struggling to think of a new question, so I went with an old standard: Favorite Simpson's characters. I know I love the choices that I put up there, but many of you may see fit to disagree with me. That's okay! This is America (or whichever country you live in), you are entitled to your own opinion (unless you are reading this in a country in which your opinion is given to you in a fashion similar to government cheese). That's why I have the "other" option on there. But I ask you this favor: If you select other, please add a comment to this post saying who you would have chosen had he or she been available. That's why the comment section exists, after all.

That's all I've got for now. TTYL, or something.

This Post: 2.5 out of 5 skulls

Conversations: Gladiators of America

Showtime: Recently, NBC's re-launch of American Gladiators finished its second season. Watching the season finale, I got to thinking about the Saturday mornings of my youth and the many hours I logged in watching Mike Adamle and Larry Csonka guide America through event after event featuring everyday, amateur athletes doing battle with a bevy of mighty, muscled gladiators.

Now, I am a fairly nostalgic guy. There are things that I watched as a kid that I'll still go back to for some guaranteed enjoyment (specifically, I can't get enough of Flight of the Navigator). I like old things and am frequently not stoked about remakes. For this reason, I went into the new Gladiators with a skeptical heart. I was, eventually, won over. Just to get it out of the way, I would give the new American Gladiators a 3.5 out of 5 skulls. That being said, let's get into some specifics.I would love to hear your opinion on the events of this new show. I think that the two signature events on American Gladiators are the Joust and Atlasphere. When you see an American Gladiators reference, be it visual or otherwise, it usually involves one of these two events. It shocked me to see that the new show waited until the semifinals of its second season to bring back the infamous giant, steel orbs, but the show is better now that they have returned. Also, putting Joust over a swimming pool really adds to the fun of the event.

So I will ask you, oh brother mine, what are your favorites? What events could you do without? Do you find Rocketball and Skytrack to be as dull as I do? What should they bring back? Are you jonesing for a return of Human Cannonball as much as I am? And how would you rate the new show?

Gyro: I don't know how I feel about syndicated Saturday morning programing late 1980's and early 1990's in general and American Gladiators in particular. Look, I love spectacle. I like to watch things blow up. I go to fairs and street parties to people watch. I gawk at accidents. But my fear is that any new success found by Gladiators would lead to a return of RollerGames or The Ultimate Warrior. This world is not strong enough to handle either of those possibilities.

When the first season of the retread premiered I watched it. It was silly, absurd and I saw at lease 3 episodes plus the finale. But my nostalgia for Blaze, Laser and Blazer has run its course. Even my crush on Crush petered out. (lecherous pun intended)

I think I do know how I feel. Kind of sour. American Gladiators had some camp appeal. But it ran out. It was pretty neat seeing Jet win, and Rocket can really climb that wall. But I just can't get excited for it. I say, bring back the 30 foot wall and send the jammers up the side. Then have them jump over some alligators. Follow that up with Hacksaw Jim Duggan swinging a 2x4 and then bring me a Kerry Von Erich Tornado Punch. Now that is nostalgia.

So let me ask you this: Can American Gladiators aspire to be anything more than brainless entertainment? How much gladiators would you consider a healthy dose? And what are they going to bring back next - BJ and the Bear?

Showtime: You make some good points. I didn't watch the first season of the new Gladiators, so who knows if I'll get burned out on it come the next go-round. As for this show leading to a revival of Rollergames, I doubt it.

TNN (now Spike TV) already got burned fairly harshly on its attempt at a Roller Derby show a few years ago. It's just too hard to give the right mix of spectacle and honest to gosh competition with that event. That's why I like American Gladiators. The events provide the spectacle while the gladiators give us our competition. Every match is a David versus Goliath type of thing that eventually becomes a David versus David situation in the Eliminator. That's why I really don't think this will have a domino effect on programming. If anything, it's refreshing. American Gladiators, to me, has become like Survivor except all the crappy tribal council stuff is gone and it's just people trying to win games. It's reality competition with a drastically reduced amount of reality show b.s. I suppose I'm saying that the show strikes me as retro programming being used to usher us away from the worst parts of current programming. If that makes sense. I'm not sure.

That being said, I hope they follow their plan and only do the show during the summer. I would probably watch if they threw it into the winter lineup to avoid airing too many re-runs, but I think this show works perfectly as a summer tournament. I ask you, though, did any of that make sense to you? And would it make you happy to see a new, post 9-11 A-Team? Because I can totally see that coming before BJ and the Bear.

Gyro: Well, I have to salute you for taking the high road and refusing to take the bait of Kerry Von Erich. But let me expand on my main issue with gladiators: it is one thing for a 260 pound pile of muscle to whale on an accountant on Saturday morning but in prime time? Was the movie "Idiocracy" an amusing lark or chilling tale of things to come?

You know me, I'm not a high-faluting elitist. Big Trouble in Little China is one of my favorite movies. I can't help but think that Gladiators doesn't just scrape the bottom of the barrell - it re-establishes a bottom and then scrapes that. Why not just watch Battle Dome?

But the competition is hilarious. In the first season some former marine put a huge gash in her forehead during the Eliminator. It was sweet. Also, anything where girls wrestle is fine by me.

Showtime: Believe me, it was very difficult not to make a crack about the late Mr. Von Erich, but I wasn't sure how he killed himself and didn't want to make a crack about the Texas Tornado blowing himself away if he had actually slit his wrists or something. Restraint, dear brother: it's practically my middle name.

But I digress. I think you make a good point point about "Idiocracy" and prime time television playing to the lowest common denominator, but I don't think American Gladiators is the show that deserves the blame. While they do have their fair share of episodes that focus on sob stories set to hyper-inspirational music (see the episode with the guy who only had one leg), they really don't pander that much to their audience. They show a bit of smack talk, but the focus of the show is always on the athletic competition. Just because that athletic competition is fairly goofy and one-sided in no way makes the show into bottom-feeder entertainment.

As I said before, The bottom of the barrel was already well-worn territory by the time NBC brought Gladiators out of the trash can. Between Survivor, Big Brother, The Bachelor, Average Joe, Joe Millionaire, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire, Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, Hogan Knows Best, Celebrity Fit Club, Celebrity Rehab, Date My Mom, Parental Control, Next, Elimidate, Blind Date, Shipmates, Cheaters, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance, that lie detector show, and pretty much everything Vincent K. McMahon has ever touched, I think American Gladiators is a step up.

That being said, you are absolutely right about girls wrestling.

Gyro: Well stated as always, good sir. And way to rattle off the list. I think you've convinced me. Gladiators isn't the worst thing in the world. It is spectacle and mindless, but it isn't the worst.